Once we become adults, at some point we have to learn to take responsibilities for our own actions. That’s apart of maturity & growth. Just because you were raised in a household where alcohol and/or drug abuse were the norm or maybe you never had people around you to show you how to be faithful or a real man/woman. Some behaviors are learned but, that’s no excuse.

Once you grow up & mature, you gain wisdom (Prov. 3:7, 14:16, 19:20; Eph. 5:15-17; James 3:17). The bad behavior you were so used to seeing in your childhood doesn’t have to control your adulthood. That painful past doesn’t have to determine & dictate your future. A so called “generational curse” only continues through generations until someone makes up in their mind that they’re gonna be different & break that chain.

Don’t get comfortable in your past. Don’t stay there. MOVE FORWARD! Sometimes we can get so comfortable & content because we’ve become accustom to the familiar. (Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”) We have to change our thought process (mind-set) in order to change self & once we change us, we can change our surroundings and our situation. When we’re going through hard times, we don’t have to make excuses for them or complain about them but, use them as guidelines for future tests. In other words, learn from the things you’ve encountered in life so you gain enough information from that particular situation so you won’t have to repeat it. And if it be so that a similar test presents itself to you, you’ll had already gain the knowledge/wisdom necessary to be able to pass that test (James 1:2-4; Prov. 19:20) .

God’s plan for us is that we prosper in life (Jeremiah 29:11). He allows us to go through difficult situations to mature us; emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (John 16:33) . Don’t stay stuck in your pass, in your pain but grow through it! Through all of my trials/tribulations I had to learn that what God wanted me to do most was pray/talk to him…that much more. It was in doing so that I gained strength to get through. I gained knowledge on how to handle the next trial. Sometimes we wanna tell this person & that person so much of what we’re going through with & yet remain weak; spiritually & emotionally. Why? Because we’re talking too much to the wrong person. Whom you’re confiding in may be telling all the things you wanna hear instead of what you NEED to hear. It’s good to vent to a person we trust to give us the truth but, the main one we need to be talking to about our issues is God. He’s the only one who has the power to bring us out. He says to cast ALL of our cares on HIM (1 Peter 5:7).

I encourage you to not just go through the pain but, GROW THROUGH THE PAIN. Allow yourself to, not only focus on the pass/pain to bask in it & have a pity-party but, allow yourself to focus on it enough to learn and see the patterns. You may not have had the best childhood but, you can CHOOSE to have a better future/adulthood. That’s the GROWTH part of the pain. You didn’t stay there (stagnate) but, you allowed yourself to move forward & ahead out of that situation. Don’t be ashamed of what WAS in your life because there’s also purpose behind that pain. A PROSPEROUS FUTURE!

I’m sure many of us who are married or have ever been married have said, “If I knew marriage would be like this, I never would have gotten married. I would’ve stayed single.” In a prior post titled, “Marriage: Real Life, No Fairy Tale”, I talk about how marriage is what you make it. It’s work…far from a fairy tale but, you could have fairy tale moments. It’s all how you choose view it. Never think you’re gonna always have happy moments and that everything will ALWAYS go as you want them to because you’ll be in for a rude awakening.

Lemme explain: In those beginning stages of marriage, of course things are normally great! You’re all in love & happy and you feel that you’ve finally found the one you always prayed for. God heard your prayers and answered everything on your list. What could be better, right? But what about on those days when you and your spouse can’t seem to come to an agreement & no one is understanding the other’s point of view? When some of those key components of the relationship starts to suffer (love, respect, trust, communication, emotional/physical/spiritual connection), would you still believe in your heart that they’re God-sent? They still very well could be. Sometimes when things start going sour in our relationships, particularly marriage, we start second guessing the person, our choice, and sometimes even God. Only you and Him (God) know what you prayed for when no one else was around. Trust Him enough to know he wouldn’t have steered you in the wrong direction. If he gave you the green light to pursue this individual or to proceed on with marriage then, know that the hardship you’re facing is only for growth/experience and to make not only you stronger as an individual but, make your marriage/spouse stronger as well. The two of you are no longer twins but, now you one flesh (Ephesians 5:31) so, when you go through the storms together, you’re supposed to come out together; wiser and stronger…with more experience.

Personal testimony: I had to go through almost 6 years of marriage in order for my eyes to become open to the information I’m sharing with you. I too expected my own marriage to be a fairy tale. I also prayed & know for a fact God answered my prayers…ESPECIALLY when things were going well but, when things started going sour, I questioned God. When my mind was so set on how things were supposed to be, I couldn’t see the bigger picture of how God WANTED it to be. Until he changed my perspective (i.e.: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. Synonyms: outlook, POV, viewpoint, standpoint)

Sometimes we may marry a mate who may not be on our same spiritually level but, yet they may know God (Mark 10:8-9; 1Cor.7:14). If that be the case, know that you have to be a little more patient, a little more calm & understanding, a little more still and quiet, so that you can hear instructions from God on how to deal with your spouse and different situations. When we start acting and reacting too soon, we miss what God wants to say to us (his direction/instructions). I had to learn to be more patient with my spouse and more understanding because from the beginning I knew we started out on different levels. That’s apart of the “work” in marriage. We are one (spiritually once the marriage has be consummated & dedicated) but, we’re also individuals. Which means, in order to function properly as a couple, you have to work on some things, personally. Because my mind was so focused on the beginning stage (the perfectly, happy), once we started having trials, I kept questioning God…not understanding the test that was constantly put before me (a pattern).

Here’s when everything began to get clear. We made vows, “for BETTER or WORST, for RICHER or POOR, in SICKNESS and IN HEALTH…”, so with that being said, things will at some point go from good to not so good. However, it’s how you view what you’re going through WHILE you’re going through that helps you effectively get through. Your attitude towards that situation determines the outcome. You and your spouse may have disagreements but, you don’t to become disagreeable and confrontational. You may get on each other’s nerves and that’s ok too. Take time to give each other space and then come back to try to reconcile (1Cor.7:5).  Know that you won’t always agree on everything anyway. You’re 2 different people with 2 different opinions trying to find a common, peaceful middle. That’s call COMPROMISE.

Just because you and your mate may be going through hard times, doesn’t mean that God didn’t send them to you…especially when you’re able to recognize his (God’s) voice. Trust him and his plan enough to know that what you may be facing in your relationship/marriage wasn’t sent to destroy or separate you two but, to strength you individually and as a couple (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) Our trails come to, not only give us strength but, also experience to share with the next couple or individual (Romans 5:1-5; James 1:2-4). You learn something new from your spouse everyday, so learn & study your test (situation). God teaches us something daily as well, even in the midst of our storms/trials. Don’t repeat patterns & bad habits but, instead, learn from them. Take time to be still and sit quietly and just let God be that calm & that peace you need in the midst of your marriage. Through good times and bad. It’s him who helps lighten the load & causes us to see things through a spiritual perspective.

Don’t judge situations by your own mindset. Get away from the fairy tale perspective of marriage. Don’t judge your relationship by others and how they’re getting along. We’re on the outside looking in. Focus on allowing God to be the visionary in your marriage. Since he ordained marriage and possibly your union, follow his lead. You can cause your situation to change by changing the way you view your situation. Instead of looking at your marriage or your spouse and saying, “God why am I going through this with this person…this isn’t what I prayed for. I didn’t expect to go through all of this” and at the same time while saying all this, feeling like throwing in the towel; just STAND STILL. SEEK HIM for answers but also LISTEN for directions. You’ll find that when going through the fog (trials), you can’t always see things clearly but, once you keep going forward your view & vision becomes more clear. Your marriage will be what you make it but, it’s all about how you choose to look at it.

How many times have we heard, “everything happens for a reason”? Often, right? Well, it’s true because the Word (The Holy Bible) says so (“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”Ecclesiastes 3:1). Things may happen to us and around us and we may not understand why (Ecc. 3:12) but, it’s already been foretold in scriptures. We’re gonna go through happiness and we’re gonna go through pain (Ecc. 3:1-15, 1 Peter 4:12-13, 1 Peter 4:19, Philip 4:4) that’s all apart of life; but it’s HOW we go through that makes the difference.

You’ll find that the pain you go through has a way of giving you strength. That person who use to make you cry with their words and/or their actions, you’ll notice that at some point you gain tough skin when dealing with them. You may begin to handle them and the situation a little differently…with a little more confidence and strength. When you figure out how to get through the fire (hurt, pain, disappointment) you’ll be able to share your testimony with the next individual who may be going through the exact same thing or similar on how they can get through and come out(Rev. 12:11). And THAT’S THE PURPOSE! The pain that we go through in life has to be because the Word of God has already said it would & God and his word are one and He CANNOT LIE (John 1:1, Numbers 23:19, Ecc. 3:2-4). It must be fulfilled. Not only that, the hard times we go through in life helps us to gain strength and experience, so we can go to God and trust in Him/his word more (James 1:2-4 “² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”)

Those hard times we face in life are just stepping stones and with every step, you begin to move up to the next level. Think of it as moving up from one grade level to the next. We were taught certain things from 1st grade (and at that time what you were being taught may have seem so hard at the moment) but, once we allowed ourselves to learn & grasp each lesson taught, we were able to move up to the next grade; and the same thing repeated each time. So now, what seemed hard back then, has become easier to understand & handle. So likewise in life, there’s something new to learn each day. God wants to teach us how to lean & depend on him more. To have faith in Him. Pain is apart of that lesson. If you’re never faced with a weakness, you’ll never know how strong you are or how strong your faith is. Jesus had to go through a lot of pain & suffering…not only because it was already foretold before his birth but, because His Heavenly father already knew that we needed an example to pattern after. There’s no hurt or pain that we face today that Christ isn’t already familiar with. So all of the agony he went through was for a purpose. FOR US! He had enough power to come down & free himself but, he obeyed his instructions and endured it all just for us.

The goal and the blessing ahead is so much greater than the pain you may be feeling or facing. The greater the test, the greater the blessing. Remember, it’s just like in grade school. Each level prepared you for that college degree, that career job, that paycheck you always wanted. We may not see that way at that very moment and it may not even feel that way (we weren’t given the ability to predict our future) but, have all been gifted with a measure of faith; to trust God’s plan & not lean on our own understanding. What’s comforting is knowing that God would never allow us to go through a task or a situation that he didn’t already know we would be able to handle and pass (1 Cor. 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it”. NIV).

Don’t allow your low moments to keep you down. Try to learn what it is that God wants to teach you in the midst of your pain and get up. Sometimes it takes getting alone in a quiet place to hear him and rejuvenate…just for more strength and clarity (2 Cor. 12:8-10 “⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. ⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” NKJV). A lot of times we’ll begin to see our ownselves in a different light. You’ll learn things about yourself that you may not have realized before. The confidence you may have lacked, you may gain through your pain. The self love you may have lacked you may gain through the hurt & pain. We’re gonna weep, because Jesus wept. We’re gonna have pain, be lied on, talked about, lose loved ones, because Jesus went through these things and the word of God already foretold that these things would be. Nevertheless, it’s how we go through what we’re going through that determines the level of height we get, both mentally & spiritually. It’s all about EXPERIENCE & GROWTH. You may lose for a season but, what you gain & reap after the storm will be worth every bit of that rain.

Too often in this generation, there are young adults trying to keep up with the latest fashion trend & hair style, the latest in technology and so forth. Some feel as, if they don’t have these things, then they’re not as cool as the next person who does. This sometimes brings on a lot of the bullying that’s going on today because some feel, “well if I don’t look like you, then I look different & that’s not cool”. It’s okay to be different & stand out! Different doesn’t mean weird, it means original & unique. It’s easy to find duplicates and copies but, rare to find the real deal. Embrace what makes you stand out among a crowd.

There are too many trying to be like someone else & not enough are trying to be like themselves. Wanting what someone else has could fall into the category of coveting and that’s what we don’t want because The Word of God speaks against that (Exodus 20:17, Mark 7:20-23, Romans 7:7, Eph. 5:3).

Everyone has their own journey in life…their own paths to take & their own story to tell. And though you may not have all that you desire right now or look the way you desire to look, right now but, give things time. Work hard at what YOU desire…for yourself. Not so much of what others say you should have! Because truth is, we’ll never be able to keep up with society (technology/fashion). It changes regularly but, GOD NEVER CHANGE! What we can be is consistent in keeping up with Him & the things he instructs us to do & who he’s called us to be. He will take your ordinary & make it Extraordinary. What looks like little or nothing to people could look like much to God. And that’s what matters most, how He views us. Sometimes it be the ones who starts out with so little in life but, with hard work, faith, & determination, now look at them & the great that they’ve accomplished!

Know that when you’re called, you won’t fit in anyway. You can’t…even when you try. Speaking from experience. Trying to do the things others did or go to the places they were going but, always felt uncomfortable. When you have been specifically chosen by God, you will look different. That’s because he has marked you. For example, there could be a bunch of red cups sitting on the table but, you may say “let me put a marker on this cup, so I know it’s mine”. There could be a crowd of people but, it’s gonna be 1 or a few that may stand out the most. So many of us are called but, he specifically marked a few of us (Matt. 22:14) and that’s an honor! You are apart of God’s chosen few & being picked out by him for who you are has more worth & more weight than being picked on by  people for not being who THEY SAY you should be or what they say you should have.

You (we) don’t have to be bullied into trying to look like, dress like or fit the mold of anybody else other than ourselves. Instead of trying to pattern after others, why not pattern after the perfect man? (Psalm 37:37).  We weren’t created to please others or make them feel good about how we choose to live but, our purpose on Earth is to fear the Lord and keep his commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13). There are people that we may admire & seek to have success like but, never lose your own identiy in the process. You can set the tone and be that example for others to follow. You have the ability to be so different & unique that others would want to be like you and desire to have what you have, so EMBRACE THAT!

In today’s society, we are often trying to keep up with the latest fashion trend or technology & sometimes we feel as if, “well if I don’t have this or that then, I’m not successful or I’ve failed…”. We sometimes allow people/things to define us as individuals.

I struggled with insecurities; from teen to adulthood. No matter how many times I would hear, “you’re so beautiful”, I never really believed it. I struggled to love myself because I would look in the mirror & see so many flaws…especially when I compared myself to what & who I seen on t.v.

Real Life Not a Fairy Tale

Sometimes we get this perception of marriage that it’s supposed to be this “happily ever after”. The kind you see in movies or read about as a kid. That’s for fairy tales. In real life, happily ever after (for me) is having, not only the love but, the patience to endure the better AND the worst. Not being so quick to throw in the towel…even when you feel like it. From my experience, u have days when you love but, not always like the person you’re married to. Many times I’ve seen other relationships and compared them to my own; but everyone has a different journey and marriage is no different.

Don’t expect marriage to always be unicorns & rainbows; a happily ever after type of journey but, a journey that’ll last forever…even after the happy. There’s a difference between being happy and being joyful. And when you can tap into that joy in the midst of your marriage on days when things aren’t looking so happy, that’s when God intervenes & gives you the patience and strength  you need to love your spouse that much more…enough to push through those difficult times…and THAT’S REAL!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Practicing Self-Control

Ever heard someone constantly blame others for their actions or it’s always someone else’s fault & never the person in the wrong? Sometimes we, as people, often justify our actions by including another; hoping to exclude ourselves or dull the light on our own situation/wrong doings. If we’re honest with self, we never really take full responsibility for our actions when we excuse them. Even when we look to God to do it all by saying “well, God isn’t through with me yet…he’s still working on me” or “nobody’s perfect”. True, we’re ALL still a work in progress & none of us are perfect but, while he’s working on us, are we taking the time to work on ourselves? There are several times in the Bible where God tells us to discipline ourselves & practice self control (Heb. 12:11, Prov. 25:28, 1Cor. 9:24-27, Titus 2:11-14). We trust God to do his part, yes but, there are certain godly behaviors that we, ourselves, have to practice (James 2:14-26, Titus 2:12) in order to please Him. From my own personal experiences, if we don’t except full responsibility for our actions, we can not grow & sometimes we began to repeat the same behavior(s); causing us to remain stagnated in the spirit realm & in the mind. We’re human, so we’re gonna sin & fall short but, we have to be honest with self in order for God to deliver us from ALL ungodliness (1John 1:5-10)…without excuses.

In order to discipline ourselves, we have to PRACTICE good/holiness & not lawlessness. When we practice a sport, a hobby or career, we become excellent at it…almost perfect in it (i.e. an expert)…and it becomes 2nd nature to us, right? So likewise, we have to practice godliness/self-control. Work on areas within us that’s not Christ-like. We don’t have to be perfect but, he expects us to work on our short comings (and acknowledge them) so that He can come in, freely, & deliver us.

It’s important for those of us seeking to please God, to hold our flesh accountable for the things we say and do (2Cor.5:10, Romans 1:18-20, Matt. 12:36)…willfully knowing that it’s wrong/sinful (Hebrews 10:26) “For if we go on sinning deliberately after

receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins”,( James 4:17 ) “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” (1 John 5:17) “All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death.”

One of the things that helped me PRACTICE godliness, was separating myself from the things that I knew made me weak & those areas that I knew weren’t godly. True confession is good for the soul, right? So I had to be honest with God & myself to acknowledge, “God, I’m weak in this area and I need your strength to help me overcome this.” Sometimes we don’t like the raw truth about what’s going on within us & in our lives, so we try to mask it or dress it up so it won’t seem as bad. We don’t always want light shed in our dark places but, remember God represents light & sin/Satan represents darkness. As Heb. 12:11 reminded us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” So in the moment, disciplining ourselves may feel uncomfortable & unpleasant but, it’ll be worth it in the end. Our soul depends upon it! We wanna produce the fruits of the spirits & be who God called us to be by practicing Christ-like behaviors/characteristics. That may mean separating ourselves from certain people, places, & things that make us spiritually weak and displeasing to God (2 Cor.6:17). Doesn’t mean hating anybody but, just loving God enough to please Him & not our flesh (Romans 8:5-13,Gal. 5:16, Gal.5:19-21).

It’s important for us, as believers, to know that THINGS are good to have but, they won’t take us into Heaven. (Mark 8:36 “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?) Once we learn to seek the things that pleases God more, everything else that we desire, he’ll bless us with…with or without asking for them (Mark 6:33). Often times we prefer to hear about the blessings of God, how awesome & how forgiving he is every time we mess up. How he love us so UNCONDITIONALLY. All true & good to know 🙂 He’s just that loving & merciful. However, while God is blessing us with all of these wonderful things that aren’t necessarily eternal but, just added bonuses for us to enjoy in life; how are we, as believers, blessing Him? He promised to supply our every need (Philip.4:19) and he also promised us eternal life (John 3:16, John 10:10, Romans 6:23,  1 John 2:25). NOT things! We can enjoy things on Earth but, we can not take them with us when we depart…once our spirit leaves our body. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with asking God to bless you with the things that you want or desire but, they’re ONLY temporary . There are things we have to do & practice in order to please him, if we desire to make Heaven our eternal home. Yes, we’re saved by grace but, remember our spirit (the unseen) has to please God (Heb. 11:1-6).

This body of ours is just our shell. We look a certain way because it helps us to identify one another; but that’s not how God identify us (1 Sam.16:7). While we get so caught up & focused on  fashion & style, fame & fortune; not only judging others by these things but, ourselves…God looks at absolutely none of that! Instead, he wants to know & see how we’re living our lives according to what he instructed us to do. The Bible is full of dos & don’ts. So while we’re waiting for so many temporary blessings, are we seeking him for the eternal  (INternal) blessings? Things that we can actually take like: love, joy, peace, kindness, long-suffering, self-control…(Gal.5:22). He wants to know that we’re keeping his commandments (John 14:15, Exodus 20), that we’re keeping our body  holy & acceptable for Him (Roman 12:1). We are who we are, not because of what’s going on on the outside but, WE ARE the spirit being (the soul) on the inside. Our mind & our heart…those are the areas God focuses on to define & judge our spirit. It doesn’t matter how our hair looks, what complexion we are, or what size we…he’s not even concerned about our background…but He is concerned about our soul.