I’m sure many of us who are married or have ever been married have said, “If I knew marriage would be like this, I never would have gotten married. I would’ve stayed single.” In a prior post titled, “Marriage: Real Life, No Fairy Tale”, I talk about how marriage is what you make it. It’s work…far from a fairy tale but, you could have fairy tale moments. It’s all how you choose view it. Never think you’re gonna always have happy moments and that everything will ALWAYS go as you want them to because you’ll be in for a rude awakening.
Lemme explain: In those beginning stages of marriage, of course things are normally great! You’re all in love & happy and you feel that you’ve finally found the one you always prayed for. God heard your prayers and answered everything on your list. What could be better, right? But what about on those days when you and your spouse can’t seem to come to an agreement & no one is understanding the other’s point of view? When some of those key components of the relationship starts to suffer (love, respect, trust, communication, emotional/physical/spiritual connection), would you still believe in your heart that they’re God-sent? They still very well could be. Sometimes when things start going sour in our relationships, particularly marriage, we start second guessing the person, our choice, and sometimes even God. Only you and Him (God) know what you prayed for when no one else was around. Trust Him enough to know he wouldn’t have steered you in the wrong direction. If he gave you the green light to pursue this individual or to proceed on with marriage then, know that the hardship you’re facing is only for growth/experience and to make not only you stronger as an individual but, make your marriage/spouse stronger as well. The two of you are no longer twins but, now you one flesh (Ephesians 5:31) so, when you go through the storms together, you’re supposed to come out together; wiser and stronger…with more experience.
Personal testimony: I had to go through almost 6 years of marriage in order for my eyes to become open to the information I’m sharing with you. I too expected my own marriage to be a fairy tale. I also prayed & know for a fact God answered my prayers…ESPECIALLY when things were going well but, when things started going sour, I questioned God. When my mind was so set on how things were supposed to be, I couldn’t see the bigger picture of how God WANTED it to be. Until he changed my perspective (i.e.: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. Synonyms: outlook, POV, viewpoint, standpoint)
Sometimes we may marry a mate who may not be on our same spiritually level but, yet they may know God (Mark 10:8-9; 1Cor.7:14). If that be the case, know that you have to be a little more patient, a little more calm & understanding, a little more still and quiet, so that you can hear instructions from God on how to deal with your spouse and different situations. When we start acting and reacting too soon, we miss what God wants to say to us (his direction/instructions). I had to learn to be more patient with my spouse and more understanding because from the beginning I knew we started out on different levels. That’s apart of the “work” in marriage. We are one (spiritually once the marriage has be consummated & dedicated) but, we’re also individuals. Which means, in order to function properly as a couple, you have to work on some things, personally. Because my mind was so focused on the beginning stage (the perfectly, happy), once we started having trials, I kept questioning God…not understanding the test that was constantly put before me (a pattern).
Here’s when everything began to get clear. We made vows, “for BETTER or WORST, for RICHER or POOR, in SICKNESS and IN HEALTH…”, so with that being said, things will at some point go from good to not so good. However, it’s how you view what you’re going through WHILE you’re going through that helps you effectively get through. Your attitude towards that situation determines the outcome. You and your spouse may have disagreements but, you don’t to become disagreeable and confrontational. You may get on each other’s nerves and that’s ok too. Take time to give each other space and then come back to try to reconcile (1Cor.7:5). Know that you won’t always agree on everything anyway. You’re 2 different people with 2 different opinions trying to find a common, peaceful middle. That’s call COMPROMISE.
Just because you and your mate may be going through hard times, doesn’t mean that God didn’t send them to you…especially when you’re able to recognize his (God’s) voice. Trust him and his plan enough to know that what you may be facing in your relationship/marriage wasn’t sent to destroy or separate you two but, to strength you individually and as a couple (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) Our trails come to, not only give us strength but, also experience to share with the next couple or individual (Romans 5:1-5; James 1:2-4). You learn something new from your spouse everyday, so learn & study your test (situation). God teaches us something daily as well, even in the midst of our storms/trials. Don’t repeat patterns & bad habits but, instead, learn from them. Take time to be still and sit quietly and just let God be that calm & that peace you need in the midst of your marriage. Through good times and bad. It’s him who helps lighten the load & causes us to see things through a spiritual perspective.
Don’t judge situations by your own mindset. Get away from the fairy tale perspective of marriage. Don’t judge your relationship by others and how they’re getting along. We’re on the outside looking in. Focus on allowing God to be the visionary in your marriage. Since he ordained marriage and possibly your union, follow his lead. You can cause your situation to change by changing the way you view your situation. Instead of looking at your marriage or your spouse and saying, “God why am I going through this with this person…this isn’t what I prayed for. I didn’t expect to go through all of this” and at the same time while saying all this, feeling like throwing in the towel; just STAND STILL. SEEK HIM for answers but also LISTEN for directions. You’ll find that when going through the fog (trials), you can’t always see things clearly but, once you keep going forward your view & vision becomes more clear. Your marriage will be what you make it but, it’s all about how you choose to look at it.
Empowered and Inspired 